Wow...
My life is just so confusing these days. I'm just tired of thinking about everything.
I'm constantly being pressured to take classes at my local community college, only to be a part of a club that I've been a part of on and off for the better part of 12 years. However, I'm just not feeling it anymore. I think I've outgrown them. There's just too much drama and conspiracy, and a little bit too much negativity for me to handle. Honestly, I just want to better myself, and I don't think I can get that from them anymore.
What I do know is that I want to make a difference. I'd like to focus more on PKD Power, for starters. I would like to use whatever titles I have in the next year to raise awareness for PKD and anti-bullying. I'd also like to get my learner's permit, cause I'm sick of being at the mercy of public transportation.
And then...there's the God issue. I'm just tired of religitards (An awesome new word. Basically those who spew the bullshit of God/religion every chance they get.) pushing their beliefs on me, even after I tell them I don't give a shit. The thing is...I don't think I can honestly call myself an anti-theist. I don't know why, but I somehow believe that somewhere along the way, he might actually get it right for once in my life.
Yeah, I'm angry at him. God works in mysterious ways? God's fucked up my life in every way possible since BEFORE I was born! Yeah, it sounds like I feel entitled, but why not? I've dealt with being smacked around at home, being bullied at school, going through years and years of on and off depression, more than my share of suicidal thoughts...need I say more?
And yet, I still have hope. Stupid, isn't it? But hey, I won several national pageant titles without him, I'm pretty talented without him, and I got to talk to Cojo (my true savior) without him. So basically, he ain't done shit for me. Why should I start caring now?
Whew...done for now. Just had to get that out.
TTFN
